Okay, so…

(cross-posted from the Livejournal)

I had to do my annual bra-and-underwear shopping today. Usually I don’t do it more than once a year, because it is a pain in the fucking ass. But, things get old, cats and kittens shred them, gremlins steal them for transvestite parties… end result is: Nonny needs to buy more.

Underwear isn’t that bad, really. The main problem is finding something in black. I have no idea why white and cotton candy pink seem to be the most popular colors considering that most women bleed once a month. And, y’know, pads and tampons are great and wonderful and all that, but they aren’t 100% protective. Blood leaks through and stains undies (if you wear them).

So why, by Lucifer’s navel lint, do people feel the need to stock 90% of women’s underwear in pink or white???

Of course, size 6 underwear in the brand and style (Hanes Body Creations microfiber, bikini style; most comfortable panties evar!) also seems to be the rarest. I could find plenty of panties in size 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, and above. Hell, there were even several pairs of 0 and 2 underwear. 6? Apparently someone got confused about the Number of the Beast and thinks it’s “6” and not “666,” because I had to dig like a puppy dog on crack to find any in the style I like. (Oh, if only I could stand to wear regular cotton…)

Since I’ve lost a bit of weight since the last time I bought underwear, I bought a size 5. Hopefully those fit well enough. *sigh*

Now, bras … um. Forewarning: Profanity abounds. (Like this is any motherfucking news.)

It is apparently fucking impossible for a woman with 36B cup tits to find a bra that isn’t a cocksucking push-up bra. (Yes, they’re selling talented multi-tasking bras these days.) If you’re a C, D, DD, or above cup, there’s fucking plenty of non-padded, non-pushup pretty lacy bras. WTF do they think, that anyone who has a fucking B rack is insecure and needs to fucking compensate?

I like my tits the size they are. I don’t need a push-up bra to make myself look good. Hell, I had enough people comment on the cleavage from my wedding pictures, and I wasn’t wearing a bra then. The only fucking reason I buy the goddamn things in the first place is because I have some nice shirts and dresses that don’t look right without them. 99% of the time, I don’t bother to wear the things. (Ask Morgan if you don’t believe me.)

Sure, they had sports bras that would “fit” — as much as any sports bra ever does. They fucking crush my tits and hurt my back. Supportive, my ass. I could probably go to a specialty store like Vickie’s and find something, but I don’t want to drop $50 on a piece of clothing I never fucking wear. It’s not that important.

After scouring the racks, I found two bras that might be acceptable — non-underwire, shaped like a normal bra; I think the fabric probably won’t agree with me, but I’ll give it a try. Then I thought about it and decided to look in the girl’s section. I used to find 36B there before, and I thought there was a decent chance I’d find something more acceptable.

Okay… am I the only person who thinks there is something FUNDAMENTALLY FUCKING WRONG when the only thing I can find in the GIRL’S SECTION is push-up bras??????? They didn’t even have the little training bras I used to get; just a few sports bras, and the rest were all push-up or padded.

I am deeply disturbed.

And I am fucking glad I don’t have to do this for another motherfucking year.

3 Replies to “Okay, so…”

  1. Sounds like we needs to start buying for each other. I am so tired of going to the store and only finding A and B bras (unless you count the itchy, not at all cute cone shaped “support” bras) and size 6 and 7 undies. I love having cute under things (cute and comfortable is a huge bonus), I am so self conscious I need a little perk. I feel so horrid when I go browsing because I’m an Amazon of a woman and even if I was my ideal size I’d never get under a large. But no, all the stores seems to have is tiny stuff. I am active and mostly healthy, just bigger and shopping for underthings makes me feel like the stores are trying to say I have no right to be sexxy if I’m not built like a 12 year old boy (and yes, sexxy is spelled that way on purpose 🙂
    On the period, last summer I got a pair or Hanes tagless grannie panties specifically for those times. Sure they’re white, and they look bad after regular use, but if I leak it’s no big deal, I haven’t ruined my ultra cute penguin bikinis or anything. I strongly encourage the practice. (Plus they’re a size too big, which makes for less irritation from rubbing clothes during crampy times.)

  2. LMAO

    Nipped over from your link about the covers on one of the groups (like them by the way!).

    Bras–in the UK (I’m a 36B too) we get all sorts. I can’t wear push-ups (used to) because the damn wire digs in my rather large breast fibroid, so wear these T-shirt material type ones, lovely and comfortable if a little ugly. But then I’ve never been an ‘underwear person’. I buy big girl pants for comfort, can’t stand thongs and anything that digs up my arse crack, and I have white for good days and black for those nasty days of the month.

    Funny post.

    :o)

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