End To A Long Silence

Jeez. It’s been almost a month since I last blogged here. *checks* Never mind, make that a full month. Wow. I didn’t think it’d been that long–but this month has flown fast enough it feels like mere days. I haven’t gotten a lot of writing done due to real life stuff, so I haven’t been posting. That being said, I’ve got a lot to update about. This post will be more personal than normal, so if you aren’t interesting in hearing about this weird and wacky writer’s personal life, you may want to scroll by. Otherwise, hang on for the ride. 😉

I mentioned in brief going to Boskone. My friend Jami came up from San Antonio for the con–and to visit us. We’d both expressed mutual interest online; the complication was, Jami’s prior girlfriend had been online also, but things didn’t “spark” when they met IRL. This concerned us, so we decided to wait until we met IRL to decide anything. Um. To make a long story short, we hit it off quite well. Right now, Jami would like to move, but she needs to wait until the end of her lease, as she’s sharing the apartment with a good friend.

That didn’t come as much surprise. Everyone involved thought there was a very good chance of it happening once we met IRL.

That’s not all.

About the time Jami came up for Boskone, we also invited Morgan’s “brother” Paul. We knew he’d been having a lot of problems with his then-fiancée and thought he could use the time away. Since we were all going up to the con together, it made more sense for him to stay overnight than for us to drive back and forth from his house. With time away from her–and talking about the situation with *cough*sane*cough* people–he slowly began to realize just how screwed up the relationship was. I’m not going to go into any details in a public venue; let’s just say that the relationship was quite emotionally and verbally abusive.

Morgan and I did something we don’t usually do. We told him precisely what we thought: “Ditch the bitch.” And we offered him a place to stay. We all get along well, and while Paul has health issues of his own due to a severe work-related injury, they’re different than ours; massage therapy and energy work actually do something for him. I’m good at both. Logistically, it seemed it would be a good fit.

Except the more time we spent around each other, the more he and I began to “click.” We both admitted we were attracted to each other, but I made it clear I was not going to do anything while he was with her, because they were in a monogamous relationship. I’m polyamorous; I’m not a cheater, and I refuse to be the “other woman.”

Ultimately, Paul decided the situation with his fiancée was not workable. He tried to work it out, but she refused to hear anything he said about the way he felt. I was there to witness some of the conversations, and she always spun it around to be about her instead of listening to him. When Paul talked about the problems they’d been having for several years, she would only focus on recent issues and say she was working on them. The problem being, she was only working on them because she had to, and she was bitching and moaning every step of the way.

That opened the way for things between him and I. At that point, I was still very uncertain. I was afraid to admit how I felt, and I worried that I was a rebound on his part, even though he’s not the sort of person prone to them. Add to that the confusion about the attraction to another male; I identify as mostly lesbian, and I don’t like men as a general rule, almost to the point of active dislike in some cases.

A couple days after breaking up with her, she wanted to talk with him alone. He needed to get some stuff from the house also, so he went. All evening long, I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong, and I had no clue what. I figured the girl had probably gone off her nut again, and I didn’t trust that she wouldn’t totally lose it. Around one in the morning, I got a phone call from him. He’d been in an accident on the way home. It was foggy and icy, and a semi had rounded a corner on the wrong side of the road. Paul barely managed to avoid hitting it head-on, but rammed the car into a guard rail. It wasn’t too far from his house, so he managed to get it back there and call me, but it was such a close call…

It’s funny how almost losing someone you love slams your feelings full force in your face. I’d known I loved him, but I’d been afraid and tried to avoid it… after that, after almost losing him, I couldn’t anymore.

It’s been a couple weeks at this point, and everything’s settling in nicely. And yes–Morgan’s fine with the situation, as is Jami. I’m sure that will confuse a lot of people, but hey… it’s us. 🙂

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