Plans and Goals

Okay, so it seems to be another one of those days… *sigh* Not hurting as badly as I was yesterday but am possibly having more difficulty concentrating. Grumble.

The past few months have been … interesting, in a number of different ways. Back in January, I discovered the root of a three-year-long writing block. I figured, even with making the realisation, I’d still have lots of crap to struggle with before I broke through.

Every time I started working on a project, I’d feel really good at first. I’d start to get back into the “zone.” Feel great about my writing. But then something would happen. Hell, not even that. I’d start feeling depressed and crappy around writing. I attributed it to a lot of different things — the fibromyalgia, my ex-fiance’s discouragement, visceral memories surrounding old WIPs, Seasonal Affective Disorder, starting the project too early, not having people around to write or brainstorm with, not getting the support I needed, etc.

This isn’t to say that they didn’t contribute. I’m sure all of them played a role to some extent. At the very least, they exacerbated an existing condition.

So when I started to feel good about writing again in January… well. I figured it wouldn’t last. I figured by mid-February, I’d be back to feeling depressed. Certainly by now.

Except I haven’t. I still feel confident about my writing in a way I haven’t for … dear gods. Three years, when I left college in order to pursue my writing career. I was willing to do whatever it took and I believed I could do it.

And then… so much happened. *sighs* It’s all a long story, so I’m not going to get into it – most of y’all have already heard it and those who haven’t can ask, if interested. Suffice it to say I got knocked majorly off track.

So … to be feeling like I did three years ago, only … stronger than that. More confident and less arrogant. Because — I know I can do this.

The plan, as of now, is to finish Resurrection, do a one-pass revision, and submit it. If it sells, I’ve got enough planned in that setting that I could do other books in it, as well. I’ll be hitting the ebook market with it, as it’s non-trad erotic romance. Ebooks may not bring in the advances, but if they take off, it’s a good amount of steady income. Right now, something steady, even if it’s not a lot, would be enough.

At the same time, I’m going to rewrite Stronger — which at this point will involve writing some 30k-odd new words — do another pass on it, and start agent/publisher-hunting.

I’m also teaching A&B at Evolution and will be developing a novel for that, too.

I’m going to do this.

Meh…

I didn’t get anything written for FMM yesterday. Meh. I’d intended to get at least 1k, but first I slept twelve hours (7pm to 7am, roughly). Unfortunately, the medication I’m on for my fibromyalgia makes it near impossible for me to get up on my own (without alarm clock or male nudging) in any reasonable time. 🙄

I developed a headache a couple hours later. Bad enough to be distracting, but not so bad that I couldn’t mostly ignore it. Thought it might be a migraine, but I didn’t have all the symptoms that I normally do, so didn’t take anything.

Of course, a few hours later, after the headache itself’s faded, I’m exhausted and feeling like an emotionally fragile kitten. Uh huh. Migraine. Sigh.

… I hate my body.

In other news, current count on Stronger:

Stronger than the Night
12956 / 100000 (12.96%)

Up to Chapter 06 … now, I just need to decide if I want to work on Resurrection next since I didn’t work on it yesterday or the day before, or if I want to work on Stronger since I didn’t work on it yesterday. *ponder*

Decisions, decisions.

Progress

So I finished up the outline (after having it ruthlessly shredded by my fiance/writing partner Alan Morgan) and have started working on the actual (re)writing for Stronger than the Night.

Currently, I’m standing at:

Stronger than the Night
7466 / 100000 (7.47%)

I have some other writing to get done. I’ve a few articles I volunteered to write for Evolution, along with sorting out stuff for A&B.

I just need to get back into the “write every day” routine vs. the “write every other other day or two.” Then again, that’s still more than I’ve written regularly in the past, oh, couple of years, so I suppose I oughtn’t complain too much… 😛

Further realisations…

(x-posted from the LJ. Originally posted 01-21-06.)

So. I’ve been back to working on Stronger recently. This actually happened about four or five days after I made my prior entry regarding writing, but I’ve been busy and haven’t gotten around to it. But… it’s another, very large piece of the puzzle.

While working on one of the subplots, I realised I needed to reference old notes, because I couldn’t quite remember what I’d originally planned. Except that said notes weren’t notes; they were part of an IM transcript from January 2003. Probably a couple weeks after I’d finished Stronger, if I’m not mistaken.

Anyway. They were, unsurprisingly, conversations with Robert about Stronger, the world setting, later books, etcetera. This time, though, I noticed something I hadn’t.

Usually when I brainstorm with people, they either tell me what I’ve got already is good, or make suggestions to improve it.

Robert didn’t. Robert leapt into the story like he was part of the writing. Snippet from the logs:

Nonny says:
How would you feel about being a main or secondary character in a novel? With him as mage? *grins*
Robert says:
ANd he has the same realistic attitude to his world that I did to mine where I knew how it worked.
Robert says:
Ooh neat neat neat! You mean a few years later when he grows up and is teen magician?
Nonny says:
Yep.
Robert says:
And gets a girlfriend?
Nonny says:
Later on in the series.
Robert says:
Ooh purr!
Nonny says:
No, love, I was going to keep him single forever. /sarcasm
Robert says:
I could see his answer to ‘don’t cross kreshida and kreshida’ being as simple as a vasectomy if he’s in love with her.
Nonny says:
Oh yeah–WOW.
Nonny says:
Didn’t think of that.
Nonny says:
Didn’t think he’d get a lady kreshida
Robert says:
She could be human or kreshida, but if she’s kreshida and that happens he’d get a vasectomy, not rely on condoms. They fail.
Robert says:
and another Queen would make the kreshida world that rough.
Nonny says:
Yep–oooooh that could almost be worth doing, though.
Robert says:
The healed kreshida magicians would still have a Dark Court and Cassandra still lead it.
Robert says:
Yeah. I don’t know what your concept is but it’ll be fun!
Robert says:
Gods.
Robert says:
Nonny, the parent that’s kreshida — is that another Abomination?
Robert says:
Which is kreshida? His mother or his father?
Robert says:
If it’s both they hid him.

I’d never finished a full-length novel until I joined FM and brainstormed with Robert and others. The farthest I ever got before stalling out was about 30k. I wrote Sanctuary, Mercenary, Bridge of Faith, and Stronger all with that kind brainstorming.

So, what happened when it was gone? When I didn’t have anybody telling me what to do?

… Yeah.

It’s not that there was anything wrong with the brainstorming in and of itself. As much as I’m loathe to admit it, I probably owe him an apology, as I’ve accused him of sabotaging my writing (although I don’t believe deliberately) in the past.

*sighs*

I wish I’d been able to figure this out before. It would’ve saved me years of head-pounding and heartache. But, I’ve made a lot of progress in a lot of ways since making these realisations. I don’t think I’m out of the woods yet, not by any stretch of the imagination… but I think I’m further along than I was before.

Have the courage and be yourself,
Forget your heros, believe in yourself
Find the right way that leads you to the end,
The end of this control
Until your soul is free….right now!

— “Believe In Yourself” / Girls Under Glass

I. Hate. Being. Sick.

I’ve been down with the flu all week, so really haven’t been able to do much in the way of writing. *snarl*gnash*

Should probably sit down and finish reading through Stronger, though… if I can’t write… dammit, I should be able to at least edit! 😛

Random update

Meh. I hadn’t meant for it to be so long between updates. Just been somewhat busy recently, with writing, Evo, and everything. (BTW–for those who might be interested, I’m running Fighting the Blank Screen Blues, a workshop on combating writer’s block, this week over at Evolution.)

I’ve been pretty busy this week, especially. Stronger‘s been giving me royal fits. Mainly because Eric doesn’t want to cooperate, and I really need to have his character fleshed out more before I start the actual rewrite. He’s the weakest link, and I hate having underdeveloped antagonists. Too many authors, especially in the fantasy genre, resort to cliches and easy answers. I like my characters realistic and complex. 😉

About four or so days ago, I started thinking about it, because EvoLunacy starts on August 1st, and I’m so not ready with Stronger. On the other hand, I had To Weather the Storm partially plotted.

Okay, I had the rough premise and a couple character bios. That said, it wasn’t giving me nearly as much fits as Stronger.

So, the rewrite is on the backburner for the moment, with Eric tied up and gagged in the closet, and I’m working on To Weather the Storm. I’ve been working hard on worldbuilding, character development, and plotting, and I’m really liking what I’ve come up with. It’s definitely expanded in both scope and complexity–but that’s the whole point of the work I’ve been doing. What’s the point of writing a simplistic novel? 😉

At this point, I’ve got enough material for one book, certainly, with threads leading into another, and I might could get a third out of it. (That being said, I’m planning on wrapping up what I can in one book, just with threads I could pick up on should it sell. 🙂

I hadn’t really wanted to do this… I’d planned on waiting and doing the prewriting along with Above and Beyond, the advanced novel-writing class I’ll be teaching over at Evolution come September. *shrugs* I guess I’ll go back and work on Shadow’s Blade alongside that, and go back to Stronger as soon as I’ve got To Weather the Storm finished. (Which should be within three months, given Stronger is roughly that length and it took me about four months to complete that.)

Anyhoo. Getting sleepy here. See y’all later. 🙂

“And this is what I get for naming him Satan”

Some things you don’t expect to happen in a rewrite. I knew that I have to change a couple names in Stronger, because I started the prewriting for the book before I’d gotten together with my ex-fiance, when we were best friends, and I’d named the MC’s cat and a minor character after him and his cat.

So here I am, trying to figure out what the fuck to name the little beast. And then …

Satan.

What’s bad? Cassandra would name her cat Satan. It’d piss off her parents, and that’d be a definite plus. And, well, the cat is a little devil. 😛

*shakes head*

Of course, I’d have to have a book with a cat named Satan …

Playlist

Well, I kind of started on the rewrite … I resurrected the playlist, at least. Would you believe I actually had it saved on my computer, even after three years and three computers? *shakes head*

O’course, I discovered that I didn’t have a good many of the songs anymore, so I had to go download, retag, and I added some new songs. It doesn’t help that many of the songs hold visceral bittersweet memories for me. I was falling in love with my ex-fiance, going to college, and having problems with my family. It doesn’t help matters that the fiance turned abusive and I left him over a year ago, I left college, left WA State, and I ended up leaving the writing community I was a member of then and forming Evolution.

*sighs*

So I’m going to go play NWN for awhile and see if I can get head cleared. Then I’ll hit the rewrite. 🙂

*yawns*

It’s too early to be tired, damn it. Especially after I slept ten hours earlier this evening. Mrr.

Okay. It’s about 3:30-ish, and I should still be up for awhile. I’ve got some stuff to do around Evolution, but after that … I could write, but I should probably start working on the rewrite for Stronger than the Night. It’s finished, but I need to do a one-pass rewrite, which, if I actually snap to it, I can probably finish in about two weeks.

… which means I need to stop procrastinating.

*whistles*

Okay, ’nuff of this. Off to post and edit. 🙂